Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
