Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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