the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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