I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
