sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
