I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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