I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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