Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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