i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
