I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
