Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
