That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
