before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
