3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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