I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
