you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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