Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
