We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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