if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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