its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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