3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
