Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I want to fling myself into the sun
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
