More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
