Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's the barista slut.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
