dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
