hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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