I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
