Me too!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
