i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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