thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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