I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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