fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
