so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
