it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
