just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
