I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I need help removing her.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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