problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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