talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize