i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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