You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
