he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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