I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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