Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
