I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
