There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
