Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
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