I must be too annoying 4 u.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
