What a fucking waste of an outfit
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
