You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
