I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
