wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
