a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
