Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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