with your own penis?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
