dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
