Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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