After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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