Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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