I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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