Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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