turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
