Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
