dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
