I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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