Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
