How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
